Hampton Roads' Biggest "Born & Raised" Know-It-All!

The Downtowner Answerman

Dear Downtowner Answerman,
Didn’t I see you recently on Colley Avenue jumping up and down and acting silly in one of those Statue of Liberty uniforms?
– Disappointed on Botetourt

Dear Disappointed on Botetourt,
Yep. That was me, pal. Just trying to get a little extra beer money in these tough economic times. God Bless America!
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Dear Downtowner Answerman,
Do you think liberals across the country were disappointed when conservative Scott Brown won the senate seat in Massachusetts once occupied by late Liberal Lion Ted Kennedy?
– Starbuck Sally

Dear Starbuck Sally,
You Betcha!
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Dear Downtowner Answerman,
Is it true you plan to run for City Council in the next election? If you should win, what type of changes will you propose?
– Curious on Redgate

Dear Curious on redgate,
Yes. I have been thinking about running for City Council and I do have some fresh and new ideas for our great citizens. If I’m elected there will be beer trucks dispatched to every corner of the city offering free beer daily to our deserving citizens after 5 p.m. I will also propose closing the Midtown Tunnel and make it open to pedestrians and bicylists only. In addition to those brilliant ideas I will do away with real estate taxes, open several parks for babies only, eliminate HRUBs bills, create a 20-hour work week, have free parties daily on our new Tide light rail system to cheer up those passengers who might be depressed to disembark on Newtown Road.

I will also promise a chicken in every pot, provide a pound of Uncle Pete’s World Famous Gourmet Coffee to every adult, and cut public school hours to 10 a.m. until noon. A vote for The Answerman will be very much appreciated. Hope to see you soon at O’Sullivan’s Wharf or San Antonio Sams or Tortilla West or Cruzers or Mo & O’Malley’s or the Marriott Piano Bar. A vote for The Answerman is a vote for free beer! Thanks for writing.
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Dear Downtowner Answerman,
I’ve enclosed my picture and hope you will be my Valentine. Will you be mine?
– Susie Darling, Granby Street

Dear Susie Darling,
I will definitely be yours regardless of your bald spot, your green hair and your nose ring. Here’s hoping you will get your tongue pierced in order to open my pistachio nuts during upcoming sporting events. I’ll also like it if you get tattoos that I pick out just for you. A big, red valentine on your backside will seal the deal. I’ll be yours, Susie, if you’ll be mine. I love your picture, honey. Happy, Happy Valentine’s, my love. :)

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